June 19, 2016
Dad Life
Last fall, my expedition partner Ryan Waters and I, traveled to the Himalayas to attempt 'first ascents' of several peaks in the remote Rolwaling valley in Nepal. Within the first couple of days we fell behind schedule due to mudslides, porter issues (i.e. no porters to help with loads) and a route that was completely obliterated due to the recent earthquake.
'This was your idea,' I remember saying to Ryan as we loaded up our gear and prepared one of many hauls to 16,000 feet and our eventual base camp on the Drolambau glacier. We hoped to make quick work of the 6,000 meter peak Jabou Ri, but we were turned back by whiteout conditions on our first attempt. The next day we managed to traverse a majority of the southeast face to a long ridge that obscured our view of the summit. There was a sheer drop over a thousand feet on either side and I could barely see Ryan straddling the cornice above me while I climbed. Trying to focus on my technique, all I could think about were my two kids and Maria.
I have to be honest, prior to having kids, I never really gave much thought to being a dad. But now, being a father is something that occupies my mind every second of every day. While fatherhood may not be for everyone, I can not imagine a life any other way. I truly love being a dad.
I think it's funny that father's day is all about celebrating dads. I mean, I get it of course. I am very thankful to my own dad for all that he has done. After all, my first winter camping overnights were with my father. It's also important to officially recognize all those unsung efforts throughout the year. However, gifts are the last thing I want today.
I don't know what my kids will turn into. Right now, at toddler and infant stages, they are just beginning to form. Sometimes they are monsters and other times angels. For the last 20 years, my entire life has been singularly focused on expeditions. Planning, training, skiing to the poles, this is a huge part of my life and lexicon. But what if my son doesn't like the cold? Or my daughter isn't into bikes? My Father's Day gift is to help foster their own interests and passions, whatever they may be.
Still, I hope I can help them be curious and thoughtful - people who try new things and learn for the sake of learning. I want them to undertake both physical and mental challenges in all different shapes and forms, and as a reminder to myself, I want to praise the effort rather than the outcome. Maria and I, try to stress politeness and good manners, being an individual as well as a team member.
I do believe in the power of the outdoors and that being outside should be an important component of all of their lives. For my part, I spent countless hours of my youth fishing and wandering and biking - dreaming, falling through thin ice, pushing my physical limitsâ?¦ In wilderness, there is the complete freedom to make mistakes. And then learn from those mistakes. There is silence too. And adventures of all shapes and sizes. Spending time outside, we start to see how our actions affect others and our planet as well.
When my son was born, I jokingly told Maria that my â??arcâ?? had reached itâ??s peak and the trajectory of my life ceased increasing. Sure, I will still go on adventures, I will still learn new things. I will still try to push my limits. But my job is no longer focused on improving only myself. My goal is to take these last few days/months/years/decades and pass along as much as I can to my kids. Not all at once. And some of it not even at all because they will need to learn those lessons on their own, just like I did. But at some point, they will leave Maria and I (and I will be gone), which in one sense is the ultimate gift of fatherhood.
Ryan and I turned around for the second time on that ridge. Honestly, I was relieved. Still, the traverse back to our base camp was equally as treacherous as the snow conditions deteriorated. Three days later, we were back at it, this time from the northeast side of the mountain. Nervous about rock fall, we picked our way through towering rocks of a lateral moraine in the dark until we finally got on to another glacier and roped up. From there the climb was fairly straightforward and we reached the summit a couple of hours later. I sent an inReach message home to let Maria and the kids know we had made it safely to the top. It was an emotional moment to achieve such a difficult objective and stand where no one had ever before, but it also was a relief that we didnâ??t get hurt - or worse - on the climb.
I donâ??t have an answer about balancing expedition life with dad life. They are forces that pull me in exact opposite directions at times, but both of them are integral to who I am as a person. This week is no different. I'm on a work trip in Chamonix, France and can't be with my kids today. Of course, I wish I was home. But Father's Day is just one day and being a dad is forever.
Image: Camping with the kids!
'This was your idea,' I remember saying to Ryan as we loaded up our gear and prepared one of many hauls to 16,000 feet and our eventual base camp on the Drolambau glacier. We hoped to make quick work of the 6,000 meter peak Jabou Ri, but we were turned back by whiteout conditions on our first attempt. The next day we managed to traverse a majority of the southeast face to a long ridge that obscured our view of the summit. There was a sheer drop over a thousand feet on either side and I could barely see Ryan straddling the cornice above me while I climbed. Trying to focus on my technique, all I could think about were my two kids and Maria.
I have to be honest, prior to having kids, I never really gave much thought to being a dad. But now, being a father is something that occupies my mind every second of every day. While fatherhood may not be for everyone, I can not imagine a life any other way. I truly love being a dad.
I think it's funny that father's day is all about celebrating dads. I mean, I get it of course. I am very thankful to my own dad for all that he has done. After all, my first winter camping overnights were with my father. It's also important to officially recognize all those unsung efforts throughout the year. However, gifts are the last thing I want today.
I don't know what my kids will turn into. Right now, at toddler and infant stages, they are just beginning to form. Sometimes they are monsters and other times angels. For the last 20 years, my entire life has been singularly focused on expeditions. Planning, training, skiing to the poles, this is a huge part of my life and lexicon. But what if my son doesn't like the cold? Or my daughter isn't into bikes? My Father's Day gift is to help foster their own interests and passions, whatever they may be.
Still, I hope I can help them be curious and thoughtful - people who try new things and learn for the sake of learning. I want them to undertake both physical and mental challenges in all different shapes and forms, and as a reminder to myself, I want to praise the effort rather than the outcome. Maria and I, try to stress politeness and good manners, being an individual as well as a team member.
I do believe in the power of the outdoors and that being outside should be an important component of all of their lives. For my part, I spent countless hours of my youth fishing and wandering and biking - dreaming, falling through thin ice, pushing my physical limitsâ?¦ In wilderness, there is the complete freedom to make mistakes. And then learn from those mistakes. There is silence too. And adventures of all shapes and sizes. Spending time outside, we start to see how our actions affect others and our planet as well.
When my son was born, I jokingly told Maria that my â??arcâ?? had reached itâ??s peak and the trajectory of my life ceased increasing. Sure, I will still go on adventures, I will still learn new things. I will still try to push my limits. But my job is no longer focused on improving only myself. My goal is to take these last few days/months/years/decades and pass along as much as I can to my kids. Not all at once. And some of it not even at all because they will need to learn those lessons on their own, just like I did. But at some point, they will leave Maria and I (and I will be gone), which in one sense is the ultimate gift of fatherhood.
Ryan and I turned around for the second time on that ridge. Honestly, I was relieved. Still, the traverse back to our base camp was equally as treacherous as the snow conditions deteriorated. Three days later, we were back at it, this time from the northeast side of the mountain. Nervous about rock fall, we picked our way through towering rocks of a lateral moraine in the dark until we finally got on to another glacier and roped up. From there the climb was fairly straightforward and we reached the summit a couple of hours later. I sent an inReach message home to let Maria and the kids know we had made it safely to the top. It was an emotional moment to achieve such a difficult objective and stand where no one had ever before, but it also was a relief that we didnâ??t get hurt - or worse - on the climb.
I donâ??t have an answer about balancing expedition life with dad life. They are forces that pull me in exact opposite directions at times, but both of them are integral to who I am as a person. This week is no different. I'm on a work trip in Chamonix, France and can't be with my kids today. Of course, I wish I was home. But Father's Day is just one day and being a dad is forever.
Image: Camping with the kids!